Today I am feeling unwell. time of the month. and as usual. I fail to become un-upset. my pasts wants to haunt me, I remember the failure in me, the person without dignity at that point of time, that forgotten that I was special, irreplaceable, and above all, I am one.
I had a visualisation, and a dream.
I saw a middle sized room, full of people, so crowded that ppl were probably jam packed like tunas. I went in, searching for someone whom I should be familiar to. I should have been able to find, I know this person, but no. I saw him, I waved, I shouted, and finally tired, I left. back to
my room. next door. empty. some ppl. few ppl. were around. making small talk. there were 2 types of doors, one where u swung, and it was fully open, the exit shortly beside. ppl walked thru to go somewhere else. on that wall nearby, was full of pictures, words, more of vandalism. I think I tried scrubbing, it doesn’t go away so easily. my other door, had 3 locks. i held the keys. where i stood, in front of that exit door.
I keep waiting. but I knew, it is no longer mine. all I hold onto, becomes worthless.
a second full circle has passed. suddenly I think of this moon, this girl on the moon, this myth we all remember, but above all, given a choice, would she rather be forgotten for a chance with her lover.
my dream, my mom taking me and my brother on a car. I was searching for wj. I met him. he was hosting a party. again I lived nearby. before that he came to me. but somehow I dunno why he looked different.
I dunno why. I feel miserable. I know this is going to be a short phrase. so fast I would come to think of how riddiculous I am. till then.
