today i had a quarrel with my mom. for friends who know me, quarrels in my home are not uncommon. but today i deeply realise what it means when people say that blood ties are more impt than anything else, or rather, u will never be too angry with ur family to not forgive. althhough yes, they are the ones who piss u off more easily, and can get u more angry than anything else.
i think i have an issue. i take things for granted too easily. just like other aspects of my character, i get excited, angry, happy, blah blah blah too easily. and so, even though i had arranged with her ytd, i was still testing my mom’s patience this morn by not wanting to go and then giving in reluctantly. when i wanted to leave and she did not, her getting mad and crying is just a part of her. plus, the other time when i went to the supermart with her, she was just busy talking on the phone. so i didn’t have anything to lose by not going.
but then it was when i called her, and she spoke to me in such an amiable manner that i feel ashamed, and all the more when she came back with the new year goodies i liked, i realised how childish and shallow i could be. i already knew it was my mistake. and while i was eating the food she bought, i so wanted to go hug her and say sorry. instead, she was on the phone again. but of coz i still went to apologize. and guess what, the kind of sense of relief is like no other. and then it also dawned upon me AGAIN, how can my mom be so uncaring sometimes and yet forgiving and sensitive in another. but one thing i know, she definitely has a strong heart which makes her a #1 mother in my heart. no matter how i think back abt the mistakes she has done and what she could have done better, i know i haven been through after all, and also her forgiving heart is something i can never match up to.
before that i had good news to share, but somehow, i lose the happiness in it. and of coz i start to question the goodness… maybe it was because we were really working so hard this week in the lab, i forgot what it means to be happy to get results, to get new proposals, and of coz the ultimate happiness that was surrounding my life and keeping me smile for the week: my professor’s approval for my graduate studies and also hiring me as a research officer. see, in my life, another thing about me is i seek approval from people more impt that just results. so even though yes, the results for the application is not confirmed, but i’m already glad.
lastly, i finally settled down in a church i guess, and god has definitely been using the pastor and past few sermons in hebrews to remind me of the goodness of god in my life, and how i should have more faith in god plus handing the “remote control” to him. it ain’t going to be easy, i am a control freak and i know…. and i do hope that at the end of the day, my faith will lead the ones i love to the one who loved me most.
i am truly happy, because i am with the ones whom i love, and with the ones who love me.
